See also quotes.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
-- Carl Zwanzig
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
"Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
I forget the second."
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots
A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his
novices. "The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how
insignificant," said the master.
"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
"It is," came the reply.
"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
"It is even in a video game," said the master.
"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The
lesson is over for today," he said.
-- "The Tao of Programming"
The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might
be general systems laws. For example, Frank Harary once suggested the
law that any field that had the word "science" in its name was
guaranteed thereby not to be a science. He would cite as examples
Military Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking
Science, Social Science, and Computer Science. Discuss the generality
of this law, and possible reasons for its predictive
-- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction to General Systems
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell
the truth. A gallows was erected in front of the city gates. A herald
announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to
a question which will be put to him." Nasrudin was first in line. The
captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going? Tell the truth
-- the alternative is death by hanging." "I am going," said Nasrudin,
"to be hanged on that gallows." "I don't believe you." "Very well, if
I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!"
"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a
machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April
1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above
the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will grep
each other by the hand (after intro), yacc a lot, smoke filtered
chroots in pipes, chown with forks, use the wc (unless uuclean), fseek
nice zombie processes, strip, and sleep, but not, we hope, od. Three
days will be devoted to discussion of the ramifications of whodo. Two
seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown of all the user-
friendly features of Unix. Seminars include "Everything You Know is
Wrong", led by Tom Kempson, "Batman or Cat:man?" led by Richie Dennis
"cc C? Si! Si!" led by Kerwin Bernighan, and "Document Unix, Are You
Kidding?" led by Jan Yeats. No Reader Service No. is necessary because
all GUGUs (Gurus of Unix Group of Users) already know everything we
could tell them.
-- Dr. Dobb's Journal, June '84
"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a
law against it by that time.
I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to
minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary
accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a
mind like mine to perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the
bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
-- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und
vatch das blinkenlights!!!
origin: 2004 March 22
updated: 2006 Sep 06
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
National Institutes of Health
National Cancer Institute